Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do

When the country first started having a recession, I was amazed because no one I knew had lost their jobs. The only people I knew that were losing money were a couple of rich people I know that had invested in the stock market. My, that was a while ago.

Now, the truth is, most people I know are either very poor anyway, or they are professors with really secure jobs. So, still, I don't know too many people in real life that have been affected by the economy. I have some relatives who are out of work, but it may have to do with other factors. I have relatives who had their pay cut, though, or who are worried about it.

I do know plenty of online friends who have been affected. I have friends there who lost their jobs, or their husbands did, or their sons did. I feel bad for them. I don't know how you live on unemployment, let alone raise a family on it. Or what you do when it's gone. Very scary.

I have been fired from jobs before, and I have been laid off from jobs. There is not a huge amount of difference in how you feel in either. You suddenly feel like a loser, like you have no purpose, or you wish you could go back and do something differently. I was fired from my first job, back in 1980. I had been working at Jack-in-the-Box. They insisted I work at the cash register, even though I preferred working at the fryer or flipping burgers. I was not very careful when it came to counting back people's change, so my drawer was frequently short or over. They gave you a lot of chances, over a certain period, and then finally fired you if you didn't improve. Who knows, maybe they thought I was stealing. I really wasn't! I was just not that competent and the bills would stick together. The funny thing is, I had just gotten my "6 months" pin on my name tag, so it was weird that they gave me that, and then fired me! I hated that job, anyway, so I was not all that unhappy about not doing it anymore; of course I did feel rejected and very bad. Even though I did not really "need" the job at that point and didn't take it very seriously.

I was a foster kid, so I already knew what it was like to feel rejected, many times over. My dad essentially rejected me, and that's why I was in foster care. My first two foster homes rejected me. So, yeah, my self esteem was pretty low for a long while...but eventually, you go back and get more jobs, and you learn, and your self esteem improves. Getting a college degree certainly helped. Ever since then, I have figured that I would probably not ever need to flip burgers or waitress again. You never know what life is going to hand you, but at least I type very fast and have developed many office skills. I don't what you do today if you don't have one because now it seems to be the minimum requirement for most jobs. Even so, I don't think I would have the stamina or memory to work in a restaurant again.

I had many many jobs after that first fast food one-- more than I can remember. I should make a list one day. In most of them, I did get laid off because there wasn't enough work, and not because I was bad at the job. I did work again as a cashier (many times) and never got fired again for being bad at it, so I guess I did learn something, at least, from that first firing.

I think another thing you learn when you're first in the work force is how terrifying it is that people have so much power over you. Think about it - in most jobs, your boss can fire you for no reason. I wonder why people let that happen, and why there aren't more unions? I guess everyone has a bit of a self esteem problem, and they don't think that they can have that much power over a boss or company. I wonder why Europe is better that way?

I remember my first - and I believe only- union job. That was working in a supermarket, Pathmark, on Long Island. It was great because from what I learned there, they pretty much couldn't fire you, after your short probationery period, unless they saw you actually stealing. They gave you a raise every few months, and it was above minimum wage, so it was a great job in that sense. Working with the public always sucks, though. It was very stressful because they really pressured us to be really fast at it, as well as accurate. Most of my jobs have been working with the public, unfortunately!

I had two teaching jobs in my life, and although I was not fired from either one, I did not really feel welcome to keep teaching at the Catholic school. There were some really awful parents there who hated me because I made their little darlings work and didn't just hand out A's. I actually expected them to do homework and study for tests! Imagine that! I always thought private schools had higher standards, but in that case, at least, I was dead wrong. That job opened my eyes about a number of things.

In 2000, I lost my job at Ask Jeeves, which was by far the best job I ever had. I was paid well, and I got to work at home. Also, they pretty much paid for any kind of computer hardware or software I wanted, as well as things like my internet connection. It was a great job with tons of perks, but I worked crazy hours. I worked every day, all day, since there was so much work, and even if I took a vacation, I still worked. But I enjoyed the job, for the most part. When I was laid off, I really did feel rejected. Even though they laid off a quarter of the company, I felt that I was chosen to be laid off because of a couple of things, but I really have no idea what the truth is. They did give me a very nice severance package, and I had good unemployment. Still, it was quite a blow to my ego since I had been the company's first employee. I try not to think about it because it still upsets me!

I haven't had a "real" job since then. For one thing, that job spoiled me for any others. Who wants to get up every morning and go in to work? Not me! I prefer to sleep in. Secondly, I don't actually need the money (thanks to my husband), so I am lucky in that way. I don't think it would be fair of me, anyway, to take a job when someone else could really need it. Thirdly, I did try looking for a job back in 2000, and some after that, but for most of the jobs I was either under- or over-qualified, and most did not pay enough to make it worth it to me. Fourthly, at the moment I have to be at home in order to help my MIL. Lastly, I have my own company now, that I work in full time. Unfortunately, I don't make that much money at it. It is more or less a hobby, yet I devote most of my time to it. Go figure. I was never very ambitious or one who cared about a career, so it is funny that I am now working for myself.

The only job I want to have besides my site is to be in a band. I am working on that still! I mean, again I want to do it for fun, just like my site, but it would be nice to make some extra money as well. Last weekend I went to one of the music stores here to leave a flyer. I got to talking to a nice man who plays the guitar and is interested. So now I just have to find a bass guitar player and a drummer! Cross your fingers for me. Singing brings me great joy. Most of us are not lucky enough to be working in a job that does bring us joy.

I don't really miss working, although it would be nice to interact with people more in an office. However, I have had enough office experiences to know that sometimes those can be awful if you have people who are head cases or on a power trip, so in that sense I guess I am lucky. I just miss things like office parties, anyway.

At least having my site counts as a job. When someone asks me what I do, I can give them an answer. I don't have to say "housewife" (which sounds pretty lame if you have no children), or "unemployed". It sounds much better to say I have my own business and get to work at home! Much better for my self esteem, too.

My site started out for fun, and then I started getting advertising for it and making a little money. Then I got enough ads, so that I don't have to pay for it myself any more. But that's it-- I don't have enough for a salary for me or anyone else. However, I had to incorporate my site, so it's officially a business and my full-time job, as far as the government is concerned.

I wish I had a little more money to spend on the site, but those days seem to be gone for now. Maybe if the economy ever picks up again, the ads on my site will pay for more, or I will get an investor. Who knows what the future will hold!

I hope that everyone who has lost their jobs, though, gets new jobs because that really sucks. I feel for you, and so does everyone else who has ever lost a job.